Dave's a Dick (11 of ?)

From: Kijiji Reply (from ml) <post@kijiji.ca>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Thursday, March 21, 2012 4:36:19 PM
Subject: Reply to your "Marvel Legends 2012 - Hope Summers, Iron Man, Constrictor" Ad on Kijiji

Hello! The following is a reply to your "Marvel Legends 2012 - Hope Summers, Iron Man, Constrictor" Ad on Kijiji: 

 

you're kidding right?these are not even rare items and on tru's they are selling these for 15 bucks.good luck man. 

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Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2012 19:19:03 -0700
From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "Marvel Legends 2012 - Hope Summers, Iron Man, Constrictor" Ad on Kijiji
To: *******@yahoo.com

 

 

Dear Nameless Moron,

Thank you for your pointless email. It always warms my heart to know that there are people like you in the world who will waste their precious time in writing ineffectual emails to others in an attempt to boast your intellectual superiority by telling them "how it is." Much like I am doing to you now. The difference between us, however, is I clearly am educated and you are a nitwit.

As a matter of fact, I am not kidding about this listing. When I'm kidding, the end result is something humourous...much like how I would be kidding if I said I enjoy underwater basket-weaving while having my leg humped by a condescending little prick such as yourself. 

You see, I did not purchase these from tru (I believe you meant to type it as T.R.U. since it's used as an acronym for Toys R Us, but your mastery of the English language is clearly sub-par so I'll overlook it). I purchased these from a brick and mortar collectibles store in the city. Each was $24.99, because such stores need to increase the sticker price in order to make a profit. If you grab a calculator (since you're almost certainly too simpleminded to do math in your head) and add 5% G.S.T. to that price, you'll discover that I indeed paid over the $25 asking price for each.

Now, as for the second part of your "argument," these are not rare in that they are new, but with issues of distribution they are currently uncommon in our area. If Toys R Us does have them, then perhaps your time would have been better spent riding your bicycle (I assume with training wheels since your email appears to have been written by a child) to the nearest T.R.U. and purchasing them there. If they are being sold for $15 (which is far below the R.S.P. [that means Recommended Selling Price...I figured I should tell you since you're a complete tool]), then you'd best buy them up before T.R.U. realizes their mistake. That being said, I highly doubt that they are available at that price, and if they are, I highly doubt any of the stores have any in stock.

Before I continue, I would like to correct your email. The grammar is just so awful!
"You're kidding, right? These [figures] are not even rare items, and T.R.U. is selling them for $15 each. Good luck, man."

Here's what your email really meant:

"Hi, I'm a smeghead. I saw your advertizement on Kijiji. I wanted to send you an email to ask if your price is a joke. I noticed your price is far above the [possibly] less expensive Toys R Us price of $15. Good luck selling yours at a higher price. I'm secretly attracted to men and don't now how to deal with my homosexual fantasies due to my homophobia, so I'm lashing out. I'm sorry. Love abcdefg."

In conclusion, your silly little email was as futile as it was laughable. It's also a good example of why you should perhaps get a few details straight before you try and tell someone off. Actually, it would also probably be good for you to just keep your proverbial mouth shut because nothing that comes out of it is of any value...except maybe when your teeth fall out and you can get a quarter each from the Tooth Fairy. That's my two cents, and unlike yours, it hold some merit! You're welcome.

Regards,

Dave

P.S. I'm sorry you are feeling so butt-hurt (as my friend likes to say) about seeing some toys you wanted in my listing but cannot afford them. Perhaps if you get a job instead of writing stupid emails and masturbating to scrambled porn, you can afford them. Douche.

 

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No reply.

Dave's a Dick (10 of ?)

A friend pointed this ad out to me and the whole scenario is just so creepy! I just HAD to respond!

 
Original ad by "Mounir":

Kijiji Alberta > Calgary > real estate > room rental, roommates > Ad ID *********

share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE

Date Listed 16-Mar-12 Price $250.00 Address Alberta T**, Canada View map Furnished Yes Pet Friendly No This shared-bed is perfect for a clean, dd free working female I am 29 years old male looking to share my room with single female. I'm have an average body, it is nice and very clean room in two bedroom house, Internet and laundry included, I work a lot and on weekends. I am looking for someone quiet, clean that will keep the room and bathroom clean all the times. I do not smoke, or drink. I'm a positive thinker, and a bit of an introvert. I don't like going to bars, I use laptop in bed sometimes so I hope that doesn't keep you up, I am definitely NOT looking for Intimate Encounter or a relationship, The bed is big warm and cozy, and if we have any chemistry between us you are more than welcome to cuddle with me. just looking for someone nice busy with work, disease free, clean with no drama, just normal person, easy going not bossy or picky and has no attitude, no game player Should this advertisement attract you, kindly respond with few words about yourself and your number and we can meet for coffee and try it for while. room cost $400 each one of us will pay $250 for the room

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Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 17:06:53 -0700
From: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji
To: ******@hotmail.com


Dear Gentleman with a room,

I came across your advertizement and I am very interested. I am new to Calgary and am currently working as a server full time. I am clean, neat, and quiet. Also dd free and p/o.

I assume there are other people living in the other bedroom of the home? What kind of people are they? Quiet too, I hope? Also, how is the neighbourhood? It's close to work and I wouldn't mind walking from time to time and I just want to know if it's safe.

Warmest regards,

Davina


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From: Mounir R**** <******@hotmail.com>
To: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 6:28:59 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Hey,

Yes , there is one person and he is nice and safe,and this is whatv I am looking for too, Can you send me you number and I will text you or call you and give you the info u like to know

Thanks
Adam (Mounir)


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Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 19:03:24 -0700
From: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji
To: ******@hotmail.com

Dear Mounir,

Thank you for your timely reply. I am currently at work and I'm using the server computer in order to email you. I unfortunately left my cell phone at the YWCA where I am currently staying. Perhaps we could talk on the phone tomorrow evening?

The YWCA is quite an awful place to stay. Last week, while I was reaching my hand into the vending machine to try and score a free Snickers bar, my roommate came running up to me screaming about how her condylomata acuminata was flowering and she needed the toilet scrubber to relieve the itch. I told her the scrubber was in with the cleaning supplies but of course she didn't know where that was. I don't mind cleaning, but it would be nice if this roommate would stop using the floor mounted mirror to check for clusters and pick up a mop from time to time.

I shared this story because I would like to know if you would also clean up the bedroom and bathroom? As I said, I don't mind cleaning but not if I am the only person doing the cleaning.

Do you have a television in the bedroom? And an internet connection? I completely understand using a laptop in bed. Sometimes I would be using it to Skype with friends from back home, and it would have to be in the evening because of the time difference. I hope that would be okay. The person I talk to the most is my friend Nahsawnd Inawtabel and she is hard of hearing so we usually use the webcam and speak in sign language. I would not be talking at all so you would be able to sleep.

You mention that the bed is big. Is it a queen size bed? I hope it is not a twin size bed or else we would not be able to fit! LOL

Warmest regards,

Davina

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From: Mounir R***** <******@hotmail.com>
To: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 10:03:26 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Hi Davina,

You can call or text me tomorrow and maybe we can meet for coffee , my number is 403 ***-****

as for cleaning we have to be very clear about this from start, every thing will always be cleaned in bedroom bathroom and kitchen just for respecting each other

we can do sheets every weekend and when ever you like, I have queen bed which I thing very big but there is only TV in living room, I will show you the place anyway after we meet tomorrow, send  me you number please and let me know if you free to meet after 6:00PM

Best regards,

Adam (Mounir)

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From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sat, 17 Mar 2012 13:13:38
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Dear Mounir,



Sorry for the delay in replying to you. The girls and I were playing crotch games with a whiffle bat in the YWCA courtyard last night (we had our St. Patrick's Day drinks last night instead of tonight) and it completely slipped my mind to email you back. I have just been cleaning up the room I share, as we made a bit of clutter while having a pillow fight because one of the pillows exploded and we decided to tar and feather our dorm mistress while she slept. I have decided that it would probably be prudent to invent a specialized pillow just for pillow fights! A pillow that will not break apart no matter how hard you hit someone. Do you think that would be a good idea? We could then have pillow fights without worrying that the pillows will break and feathers ending up all over the room.



I admit that I am quite a playful person and sometimes will do something silly like having a pillow fight or playing hide and seek with neighbourhood strays. If that is a problem for you, I assure you I will remain completely mature when in the home with you.


I am happy to hear that you and I will share the cleaning responsibilities. I was worried that I would have to do all the upkeep and that was certainly not appealing to me. As for sheets, I would probably like to clean them two or three times a week because of my lactating, but I'll clean them every time because I respect that it can be inconvenient. Being p/o sometimes has it's disadvantages when it comes to the hormone therapy. :(



I will be working at the restaurant this evening so we cannot meet for coffee. However, you're more than welcome to come down and say hi! I work at Hooters. There are two in Calgary and I work at the restaurant on MacLeod Trail because it's an easy train ride from downtown where I'm currently living. The address is 4608 MacLeod Trail S. Just ask the hostess to seat you in Davina's section or ask for me (though I'm not allowed to seat you). I'll make sure not to take my break until you arrive so that we can have some time to sit and talk together. I'm working 5PM to close (which is 1AM tonight).



If you cannot swing by tonight, that's okay. Just drop me an email as I won't have my cell with me. I am a little hesitant to give you my cell number right now anyway because I don't know you. A beautiful single w man in Calgary has to take care of herself! :) Once we meet and I'm comfortable with you, I'll happily give you my number. If we do get along, when could I come to see the room?



Warmest regards,



Davina

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From: ******@hotmail.com
Date: Sat, 17 Mar 2012 15:25:22
To: Davina Leettrol<smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Reply-To: ******@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji


Ok , I will try to stop around 6, I am sure it will be busy there , if we agreed on every thing when u looking to move?

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Mobilicity

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 From: Mounir Rifai <******@hotmail.com>
To: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 5:37:42 PM
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

I am now at the  Hooters but staff told me they do not know any one in this name, anyways let me know what time is good for you to meet tomorrow if you free at 5 or after

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Mobilicity
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 From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sat, 18 Mar 2012 20:17:13
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Dear Mounir,

I don't understand. You came here and someone said I wasn't there? Who did you talk to when you were here? I was on the floor serving customers. Are you sure you were at the south restaurant on MacLeod Trail and not the north restaurant off Barlow Trail? I was waiting and waiting to take my break because I thought you would be coming in to the restaurant!

I feel terrible that you came all this way and someone told you I was not there. I almost cried when I read your email. I'm not well liked here because most of the girls don't think I should be working here since I was not born a woman. But they're jealous because I am so beautiful. I will try my hardest to be available after 5PM tomorrow. We can meet somewhere near your home this time. Is there a Tim Hortons or other coffee shop located near you? I would be happy to meet at any coffee shop as long as it isn't a Second Cup. One time I was drinking a latte with a friend in a Second Cup downtown when a barista came up to our table and asked us to stop putting our faces in the latte mug and blowing. I told the barista that we were making bubbles because we wanted to see if we could carbonate the drink. I'm not sure why, but my friend then picked her nose and ate it. It was at that time that a man at the condiment table vomited into the cinnamon shaker, which caused a chain reaction of vomiting from other patrons that resulted in a very slippery floor and a highly offensive odour in the coffee house. My friend and I were asked never to come back and I have since then not wanted to go to a Second Cup again.

But I digress. My break is over and I have to get back to work now. Let me know when you can about where we could meet. And please accept my sincerest apologies that someone here told you I was not in the restaurant when I am here. I'm furious! I will be talking to my boss about this later tonight.

Warmest regards,

Davina

Sent from my iPhone

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From: Mounir R***** <******@hotmail.com>
To: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 10:17:49 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Hi Davina,

there was old man with big saint patrick hat asked me to pick a place, I picked one and when I asked the girl about you she told me there is no one in this name, I think she did this to get the tips. she told me she has been working there for year and knows everyone, I was setting on the third table next on the right side of the door and got ice tea only at 5:30PM

we can meet at the Tim's next to sunridge mall if you like around 6 if you not working tomorrow night, or we might can meet at 1:30 if I am still up and can meet you tonight

i attached copy of photos for the place and me, can you send me yours, how long you been in Calgary for, 

I have some thought but can you please clarify for me what do you mean by p/o

Best regards,

Mounir

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From: Mounir R***** <******@hotmail.com>
To: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 12:58:00 PM
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Hey,

I did not hear back from you yet, I hope you ok,please let me know soon please because  I have someone would like to see the room and would like to meet you and talk first


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Mobilicity

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From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2012 15:38:24
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Dear Mounir,

I'm sorry for the delay. I got off work at 1AM last night but had to close the restaurant. I didn't get home until nearly 2:30AM and I slept in right til it was time to go to work. I am working until 8PM tonight, so meeting at 6PM at Tim Hortons won't work. Perhaps later in the evening.

The older man with the hat was Stanley. It's a shame you did not tell him you were here to see me as he would have sat  you in my section. The girl who served you was almost certainly Janet. Either that or you were seated in Chrissy's section. Whoever it was, they don't know jack about who works there. I was there when you were there. I'll be contacting the manager Larry about this fiasco.

Thank you for the photos. You are very handsome. I cannot wait to kiss you!

Who else is interested in sharing the room? Do you think the bed would be big enough for all three of us? When I was in high school, me and a group of friends went on a road trip to Gahtchagud, North Dakota for spring break. When we got to the hotel, only one of the two rooms we booked was available. So all six of us crammed into a king sized bed. It wasn't very comfortable because Ralph and Lana kept feeling each other up while I was between them. Fortunately, Terri said she had enough and booted Ralph to the floor. Cindy took Ralph's spot and things were a lot better so we could sleep. However, this would only be you, me, and this other girl, so it should be okay to share the bed. Does this girl like girls or just boys? I like girls and boys.

I have been in Calgary for 13 years, though it feels like 37. I had been married to a man for ten years until he found out I was p/o. I should have told him but we were just so happy. For the last three years I have been living in a shelter because I could not find a place to live. Until I met you! Now I'm so happy because I get to share a bed with a handsome man named Mounir and Troll (my dog). He does not shed and he's very clean. He's a bit big but he usually sleeps at the foot of the bed. Sometimes he gets bored at night and will lick your face while you're sleeping, but that's rare. Sometimes he sits on my face when I'm trying to sleep too. What a silly puppy! The worst we'll have to worry about is if he gets gas overnight. His toots are smelly! I've attached a picture of Troll with my ex-husband Lex. 

Warmest Regards,

Davina

P.S. I've included a picture of me too!

P.P.S. p/o stands for post operation. When I was 19 I underwent a sex-change operation from man to woman. But it's okay. I now have a vagina so we can have sexual intercourse every night. Mwah! 

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From: Mounir R***** <******@hotmail.com>
To: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 6:00:58 PM
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Well . I had it clear in the add that I am not looking for sex, I work night shifts so we will not share bed at the same time, send me you number,

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Mobilicity

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From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2012 19:34:51
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Dear Mounir,

I understand that you are not looking for sex. I'm sorry that I suggested it. Sometimes I don't think before I say something. Forgive me?

It's unfortunate that we will not be sharing the bed at the same time. Do you mind that Troll will sleep on the bed in the day with you? He's very cuddly so I'm sure you'll love his company!

I'm sorry for the delay. I was packing up the U-Haul today with my things and am now officially moved out of the YWCA. I'm staying at the Super 8 motel on Barlow Trail near 32nd Avenue for the evening. I'll be moving in with you tomorrow morning (Monday March 19, 2012). Troll is jumping up and down and I think he knows we're moving again! We're both very excited to live with you!

Will anyone be home in the morning since you will be sleeping? Or can you leave a key under the mat for me? Our third roommate Greg will be with me to help move everything in so you won't have to worry about getting up to help. Greg also works nights so he'll probably just climb into bed with you once we're done moving everything in. Talk to you soon!

Warmest regards,

Dave

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From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2012 22:04:45
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

I have not heard back from you yet. I hope everything is okay. I have given Greg your phone number and he will call you at 8AM tomorrow to arrange moving in. If he can't get a hold of you, we will have to unload the truck in the front yard as we only have the truck until 5PM. See you tomorrow!

Warmest Regards,

Dave

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From: Mounir R***** <******@hotmail.com>
To: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 10:11:20 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

are you going to drive from Burnaby in one day? I can take day off if you like, I will just wait for you till you get there, and we can have your friend stay on air bed if you like, but the other girl who saw the room today liked it too, so we will work something out,

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From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2012 22:20:22
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

I don't understand. I'm not in Burnaby. I'm in a motel on Barlow Trail. About a five minute drive away from you. 

As for Greg, he will not want the air mattress. He has back problems. Also,he will want to cuddle with you. You and Greg can share the bed (and Troll can sleep on the bed too). I will sleep on the air mattress with the other girl. 

Anyway, my baby is crying and needs to be fed. I should go!

Warmest Regards,

Dave

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No reply. Turns out Mounir hates babies. So he can't be all bad.

Dave's a Dick (9 of ?)

From: "Kijiji Reply (from *************@hotmail.com)" <post@kijiji.ca>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Thursday, November 3, 2011 9:40:19 PM
Subject: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji

Hello! The following is a reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji: 

From: *************@hotmail.com

Wats your lowest offer 

___________________________________________________________________________________

Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 09:51:14 -0700
From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji
To: *************@hotmail.com

$75.00

Regards,

Dave

___________________________________________________________________________________

From: R****G**** T************* <*************@hotmail.com>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Friday, November 4, 2011 1:21:17 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji

Ur add says $30..? 

___________________________________________________________________________________

From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 13:08:31 -0600
To: *************@hotmail.com

Dear valued customer,

Yes, the listed price is $30.00. However, the listing also says that the price is firm. I trust that you read my ad before emailing me, so I assumed you were actually asking me what would be my lowest offer on a life-size Vicki doll from the 80s sitcom "Small Wonder." I would pay a lot more than $75.00 for such a vital piece of childhood nostalgia, but that would be my opening bid and thus lowest offer for it. While I did find it odd and random that you would be emailing out-of-the-blue about my lowest offer on a Vicki statue, it seems much more likely than you asking me a question already answered in my advertisement because you did not read the ad first. 

Please forward me a link and/or pictures of the Small Wonder doll at your earliest convenience, so I may post my lowest offer right away! Thank you in advance,

Regards,

Dave

Sent via telepathy.

___________________________________________________________________________________

From: R****G**** T************* <*************@hotmail.com>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Friday, November 4, 2011 1:21:17 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji

Ok. Thanks 

___________________________________________________________________________________

From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 13:28:57 -0600
To: *************@hotmail.com

You are most welcome. 

Unfortunately I did not receive a link to the Small Wonder doll from you yet. Please forward ASAP as I am eager to bid! Thanks!

Regards,

Dave

Sent via telepathy.

___________________________________________________________________________________

From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 19:40:24 -0600
To: *************@hotmail.com

Dear fellow Small Wonder fanatic,

I know you're probably really busy and that's why you haven't got that link for the doll to me yet. That's okay. I'm just emailing because I'm so happy to meet a fellow Small Wonder fan (us Small Wonderians are rare)! How long have you been a fan of Vicki (I know it's actually V.I.C.I., but just typing Vicki is so much easier), Jamie, and the gang? I've been a hardcore fan ever since the show first aired in 1985! I can't tell you how excited I was when they released the first two seasons on DVD! I had to order them from a pretty expensive vendor on eBay but I think it was worth it to see all those episodes again! If you want, I can burn you copies of the DVDs, though I'm sure that being a fellow fan you already have the DVD sets as well!

I've taken the liberty of signing you up for daily emails from the Small Wonder Fan Collaborative. The emails will come directly to your email address (gelyne_rommel@hotmail.com) every day at around 3:00PM mountain time. I find them pretty interesting. Usually they contain fan fiction and letters that we fans wrote to Tiffany Brissette when we were children but never actually sent those letters out. Recently they've added a telesnap feature in which every day they publish about one hundred screen captures of a particular episode and then provide textual explanation about what was happening in each frame. It's particularly handy to fans who have no access to the DVDs and want to relive the episodes as best they can.

Also the Small Wonder Fan Collaborative (SWFC) sends out remixes of the theme song (about three a day), which are a pretty wild listen! Highly recommended! Each email is about 150MB in size so make sure you clear out your email inbox every day so you can receive the emails! I've requested that the SWFC coordinator mark the emails as important so that they will not go to your spam/junk folder and will always be at the top of your email list. No need to thank me. You'd do the same for me. 

I've also added you to the SWFC forums so you can see what's up real-time with us fellow fans. Please be sure to log in and add your home address to make sure you get the most out of the forum experience!

Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm just so excited to know another hardcore SW fan that lives so close. We should totally go out for coffee and talk about our favourite moments of the show! What is your phone number? I will call you! OMG exciting!

Lastly, here's a clip from the rare banned third season episode "Ted Takes a Peek." You've probably seen it before. It's the scene where Vicki leans over to pick up the trash and Ted rubs his pelvis up against her posterior and causes her to short out. So funny! Not sure why they banned it (aside from the obvious pedophilia-related reasons). Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ&ob=av3e

All right, I'll stop now. But I hope to hear back from you and get together! Small Wonder ROCKS!

Regards,

Dave




___________________________________________________________________________________


From: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com

Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji

Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 19:40:24 -0600

To: *************@hotmail.com



Dear smallwondercreepyobsessedfan111,

Thanks for registering at the Small Wonder Fan Collaborative! We are glad you have chosen to be a part of our community and we hope you enjoy your stay.

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Should you wish to cancel your membership with the Small Wonder Fan Collaborative, please reply to this email with the phrase "PLEASE CANCEL."



All the best,
Jesse Juanita Boigurl Del Torro
Small Wonder Fan Collaborative

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From: R***G*** T************* <*************@hotmail.com>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Friday, November 4, 2011 10:44:57 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji

Ummm what is the vici doll i thought the ad was for the lifesize domo doll...  Please remove me from the small wonders club .

Thank you.

___________________________________________________________________________________

From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 21:19:35 -0600
To: *************@hotmail.com

Dear Small Wonder superfan,

Why do you want to be removed from the group? It's a great source for all your Small Wonderous needs! Since you are a Small Wonders fan, I thought you would really want to be a part of the group.

This is a picture of Ted from the show. I have a rape-face-smile just like he does right now because I'm such a big fan of the show!

Regards,

Dave

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Dave's a Dick (8 of ?)

ORIGINAL AD:

Rare Arcee figure from the Transformers animated series. She was a Toys R Us exclusive and difficult to find now. Sealed on the card.

If you're reading this, the item is available. Offers will be considered. I will respond to your offer if I accept it or if I have a counter offer. Insulting low-ball offers will be ignored. Thank you.


____________________________________________________________________________________

On 2011-10-30, at 11:51, "Kijiji Reply (from kenergon1988@hotmail.com)" <post@kijiji.ca> wrote:

Hello! The following is a reply to your "Transformers Arcee Animated Series Figure NMOC" Ad on Kijiji:

From: ************@hotmail.com

I am buying this for my son, would you take $10? I can't spend too much on toys, thank you


____________________________________________________________________________________

From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "Transformers Arcee Animated Series Figure NMOC" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Sun, 30 Oct 2011 12:57:04 -0600
To: ************@hotmail.com

I will not go lower than $20. It is a rare figure and I paid more than my asking price for it. 

Regards,

Dave

Sent via telepathy.

___________________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken ***** <************@hotmail.com>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Sunday, October 30, 2011 1:05:27 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "Transformers Arcee Animated Series Figure NMOC" Ad on Kijiji

but transformers like this size is always like $9 on sale in local store. I have never seen them higher than $14

___________________________________________________________________________________

From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "Transformers Arcee Animated Series Figure NMOC" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Sun, 30 Oct 2011 14:37:09 -0600
To: ************@hotmail.com

 Dear Ken,

Thank you for pointing out that some Transformers are on sale for $9 in the local store. That is very true. Local stores often have sales for a variety of items. Just the other day I was able to get a large tub of Brylcreem pomade for the unbeatable price of $2.99! I don't actually use Brylcreem in my hair as I'm not a man living in the 1950s. However, it makes for a great lubricator in my engine and at this price it is cheaper than oil. Some mechanics argue that it is irreparably damaging my engine, but I think they're just upset that I'm not spending money in their garage and will say anything to try and get me back as a customer.

However, this particular Transformer you will not find in any local store for under $30, and you would be lucky to find it at all. It is an exclusive toy that was only available at one store and was only available for a short time. Please check eBay for this Transformer as you may find a better deal than I am offering, but once you factor in shipping I very much doubt it. 

Have you ever read the comic book Spider-Man? He is one of my favourite characters and I often feel that he and I share what is commonly referred to in the comic book and other popular culture as a "spider sense." While he senses impending danger, I sense impending bollocks. When a person messages me offering me a price for an item that is a shocking 40% of my asking price and then argues that similar items are available for much less elsewhere, my first instinct - or bollocks sense, as it were - is to ask why the person wasted time emailing me to tell me that stores sell them for less. A logical behaviour would be to simply thank me for my time and then go out and buy the toy elsewhere for the largely reduced price. But what you have done is emailed me back and said that other stores sell these for $9 and therefore I should lower my price.

*BOLLOCKS SENSE IS TINGLING*

With respect, my bollocks sense suggests to me that you probably are aware of the rarity and value of this Arcee toy and were hoping that by attempting to make me feel foolish by saying I'm charging 60% more than local stores for the same item, I would lower my price to compete and thus give you a valuable item for chump change. Aside from bollocks sense, my keen powers of deduction deduce that this toy is for you and not your son, mainly because your email address is Transformers-related. Sadly you picked the wrong dude with a pseudo-super-power and Sherlock-Holmes-like deduction with whom to battle wits! This reminds me of the time that I went to my local car dealership and told the salesman that the Audi A8 that I was interested in purchasing was available at a rival dealership for $9.99 and a case of beer. I think the salesman also had a bollocks sense because he said, and I quote, "Are you F#*@ing kidding me? Who the $&@( do you think I am to think I would believe this load of #*@(??? This vehicle retails for over sixty thousand dollars right now, and while I wish I could have a cold beer at work, there's no way my manager would allow me to mark the price down to $9.99! Get out of here before I soak a noodle in hot water and flog you mercilessly with it!" Needless to say, my ploy failed, much like yours has failed here today.

However, I am willing to negotiate a price. My asking price is $25, so I would be happy to offer you this item for the low price of $30 plus the cost of postage and handling to your home. The grand total is $45. No tax because this is a private transaction. You may pay me via PayPal or three twenty-dollar bills (sorry, I don't provide change). As an added bonus, I will be including in the box the air that surrounds the toy. Because the toy is rare and sought after, the air will also be worth more than regular air. Kind of like how a lock of Elvis' hair is worth more than a baggie of pubic hair from Kathy Bates. I trust that my generosity will put an end to this ugly disagreement.

Regards,

Dave

Sent via standard desktop computer


___________________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken ***** <************@hotmail.com>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Sunday, October 30, 2011 3:32:31 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "Transformers Arcee Animated Series Figure NMOC" Ad on Kijiji

Well, thank you for your kindly respond. I really appreciate it. I actually find several Arcee from ebay who sell cheaper than you including the shipping. If you could sell it with $25, good luck and no thanks. Like you said, I will get out of here before you soak a noodle in hot water and flog me mercilessly with it!

___________________________________________________________________________________

From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "Transformers Arcee Animated Series Figure NMOC" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Sun, 30 Oct 2011 16:28:32 -0600
To: ************@hotmail.com

Dear Ken,

I'm rather confused about your statement. You said you will "get out of here." Get out of where? Are you in my computer? I once had a dream that the little creepy alien guy that peddled Reese's Pieces in the 1980s was living in my computer. Every time I hit the SHIFT key repeatedly, he would scream "GLUBGRAFUTZ" and a barrage of Reese's Pieces would inexplicably burst out from the web camera and violate me in and around my face. You think Reese's Pieces are delicious? Try imbibing them when they come flying at your head at 100 miles an hour! And that's why nowadays when you press the SHIFT key several times in a row, Windows brings up a pop-up window asking if you want to turn on sticky keys. True story. Tell your friend.

Strangely enough, hitting the ~ key led to him making strange orgasmic moaning noises. I can't blame him for that though. ~ is the sexiest symbol on my keyboard. There's something innately saucy about a squiggly line. It looks like a wet noodle.

This is what the Reese's alien looks like for your records:

So I just ate a banana. It was at that perfect time when it was ripe enough to eat but not so ripe that black spots were on it. Isn't it strange how bananas go bad so quickly, and that is only exacerbated when chilled in the refrigerator, yet other fruits like apples, oranges, plums, nectarines, peaches, and all those yumtastic fruits can last for ages? I found a plum in my fridge that I had bought about five months prior and it was still firm and ripe and delicious! Well I don't know about delicious. I packed it in my nephew's lunch, along with a swizel stick and half a can of flat Diet Coke. He was fine. He ended up becoming violently ill (projectile vomit and everything) but there was a flu bug going around.

Speaking of vomit, you'd be surprised to learn that I have not vomited since 1993. Isn't that ridiculously awesome? I've never even felt the impending need to purge. I think it's a good thing that I don't vomit though. Did you know that your puke actually contains a little bit of feces? It's feces in the earliest stages before it gets plunged through your intestines, but you're basically getting poopies in your mouth every time you have a technicolor yawn. I don't know about you, but I don't like shit in my mouth, whether it goes down the pipes our out the maw. 

At any rate, I would also like to point out that I made no threat, directly or implied, that I would soak a noodle in hot water and flog you mercilessly with it. That would be considered uttering threats (or whatever the print version of that would be). Even if I did want to take you out behind the barn and lash you with mushy pasta, I doubt that it would really teach you a lesson. Unless I filmed it and then sold it in the fetish market. I could make a fortune and I would blur out your face so that I would not have to pay you any royalties. Then you would see it at your local adult video store and you would cry because I am rich and you are poor and life is unfair.

In closing, should you decide to send another low-ball offer my way, before you do, please take a moment to look at the following picture:

Your new-found obsession for and irrational fear of moist noodles will spare us both the hassle. Though for the record, there is nothing to be ashamed of regarding being afraid of damp pasta. Everyone has different fears. For example, I'm afraid of wasp nests after I throw rocks at them and I'm afraid of my grandmother when she tries to stab me with knitting needles. You're afraid of wheat and starch. Potato, potahto.

Have a noodlrific day!

Regards,

Dave