The Escalator Is Not a Ride

Some people really piss me off. I'm the first to admit that my tolerance for stupidity is teetering near the "0" mark on the best of days, but there's still no denying that stupidity is a rampant problem in our society.

Earlier today I was at Market Mall to kill a few minutes before work (and to see if any of the stores had a pair of maroon size 13 sneakers...sadly no). I love Halloween and so I decided to stop by Zellers and look at the Halloween section in the store. On my way back down, there were a few people on the escalator ahead of me. First was a young punk who was standing on the left. About six or so steps down a man was standing on the right. In front of him was a woman about three steps down. I walked down the escalator steps on the right to avoid the punk, and then moved left to pass the other two. As I passed the man who was standing on the right, he said "excuse me...it works."

He was, of course, sarcastically stating that the escalator was running and thus I did not need to walk down the stairs. I simply threw up a hand without turning back to him and I said "Thanks tips...but I work faster." Not the cleverest of retorts, but it served its purpose. In hindsight, I should have said something along the lines of "Your legs work too...looks like we both overlooked something obvious."


While it could be argued that it is rude to walk down the escalator and pass people who are standing on it, the argument would be pretty weak. They're stairs, for Jebus' sake! I believe it is much ruder to stand there like an asshole on the escalator when you are perfectly able to walk. It has always seemed to me that escalators were there for people who had trouble traversing stairs (either due to illness, physical ailment, or because they are holding a child or a large item or something). If one chooses to stand there and treat the escalator like it's an amusement park ride, then one should not become angry or upset at those who choose to walk up and down instead.


I'm not sure why there is no "escalator etiquette" here in Canada. During a visit to London, I was absolutely flabbergasted at how the people had escalator etiquette. It was brilliant! People who wanted to ride up or down the escalators would stay to the right and people who wanted to walk up or down would stay to the left. Here in Canada (or at least Alberta where I've bothered to pay attention), people plant themselves wherever the fuck they want and then stand there like invalids until reaching the top/bottom. The aforementioned young punk could have easily moved to the right when he got on the escalator today, but didn't. No sense of etiquette. Often couples or groups will stand side-by-side, thus blocking the entire stairwell while they engage in inane conversation, oblivious to the fact there are some people who have places to be. No sense of etiquette.

Well...just no sense.


Yeah, I'm very impatient, and that is why I'm frustrated about this issue. But being impatient isn't nearly as much a problem as being a stupid lazy douchebucket that can't be bothered to think about anyone else. If people proceed to loiter on the escalators, I am going to walk past them to get up or down (carefully, of course). Perhaps I should print out pamphlets explaining how to properly use an escalator (with a small section on how even small amounts of exercise can help combat obesity). It's just a shame exercise can't fight stupidity as well.

Sure, I could always just learn to be more tolerant of the parade of idiots shuffling around on this rock, but it would make for much less interesting blogging. Oh, and if you're reading this while standing on an escalator, please move to the right.

Being Driven Insane...Literally!

I'm extremely frustrated tonight. Today was a really bad day out on the roads. Construction was EVERYWHERE. That's only just barely an exaggeration. Everywhere I drove, there was some long delay because of illogical lane closures at the worst possible times.

I won't bother going into details as it would take too long. But I will say that the evening ended with arguably the worst delay I've experienced in a very long time: Deerfoot Trail (southbound at about Country Hills Blvd) was at a near-standstill because of paving work being done (paving between Beddington Blvd and 64th Avenue) at 7:00PM because they closed the center and right lanes, forcing everyone left. It took nearly an hour to drive about three kilometers. Something isn't right with this picture.

Is it just me, or is there something seriously wrong with this whole construction brewhaha? Calgary has been notorious for construction delays over the last several years, but why has this become accepted? I understand that work needs to be done...roads crack and traffic volume exceeds route limitations, which leads to a need for paving or expanding. However, why is it necessary to have countless construction zones active at the same time? Today alone, I had to squeak through THIRTEEN construction zones, and the route in question was not very long. Why can't resources be pooled to a few construction projects at a time? More manpower would mean quicker completion.

Does anyone else out there think that the government (municipal or provincial depending on what construction site is in question) should be held accountable for this bullshit? Is it unreasonable to expect that if the government cannot formulate a logical and realistic plan for revitalizing our streets, then the government should have an alternate plan for traffic flow? For example, there is a buttload of construction going on between Airdrie and Calgary, sometimes culminating in terribly long delays. But there's no other reasonable way for commuters to drive...the closest parallel is the old Center Street, but it's a few kilometers to the west of the highway. WHY didn't the provincial government remake the old service highway that ran right along the current #2 highway and THEN do highway construction? Give the people a second route to ease volume and make life a lot easier for everyone involved.

If helping ease traffic woes is not possible, then how about compensation? The city could compensate its people for their wasted fuel while idling, their wasted time, and perhaps even mental issues from all the frustrations that result. It would be taxpayer money anyway, so only fair we should get it back.

Also, should the government not be responsible for the chaos that these construction projects cause when interfering with rush hour traffic? I would even settle for those who make these decisions to stand before the people and DEFEND the plans they make, because most of the time these projects seem to have no intelligent basis. It seems like a dozen monkeys get into a room and throw construction proposals into a hat, and pick what gets done at random.

I often joke that the onslaught of construction delays in the city is actually a carefully created experiment to test the limits of Calgarians (and those in the surrounding areas). An experiment to see just how far the people as a whole will be pushed before outrage and retaliation ensues. Yes, this is not actually what is going on, but when you think logically, it is a much better explanation than anything the city planners would ever provide.

Maybe I'm out of line here. I'm writing through my frustration. But I haven't enjoyed a construction-free drive in over five years and I'm just so sick of it. Calgarians need to stand up for this nonsense. But no one will. Apathy breeds apathy. And I haven't the patience to start a one-man war on the group-think construction atrocities around town.

Ugh, and you people wonder why I don't like to drive. Now someone pick me up and take me for a milkshake. Though guess what...there's construction on the way.