Monday, December 23, 2013

Airing of Grievances 2013!


Airing of Grievances 2013

Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the annual Airing of Grievances! I respect that “annual” may not be the most accurate word, as I did not write a 2012 or 2011 edition, but perhaps I should start the tradition over again.
Instead of passively aggressively telling off people I know, while at the same time delicately avoiding revealing their identities, I think the Airing would be better served to simply bitch and complain about some of the biggest pet peeves of which I’ve encountered during the past year. What do you think?
Just kidding. I don’t care what you think. Let’s begin!

  1. Parents in the Child Services system. These people are seriously just awful. The reasons these parents have their children apprehended by the government are many; substance abuse/dependence, neglect, abuse (physical, sexual, etc.), unprepared to rear their children, general irresponsibility, and even worse. You name it. Yet just about every parent claims that they’ve been treated unfairly and the reasons for their children being apprehended are lies or some sort of conspiracy against them. “Oh, so my house is a little dirty…no reason to take my kids” says the woman that had dozens of cats and hoarded so badly that she only had narrow aisles within which to walk. “I never do drugs” says the father who just tested positive. “I never raped my child” says the father who was caught on a nanny cam. I can understand the drive to lie and play the victim; no one wants to be viewed as a horrible person, even though they very well could be. But the argumentative, denying, stubborn route does nothing except prolong the time until these families may be reunited. Honesty is a rare trait in this world, but in cases such as the above, it’s so very important. Grow the fuck up and learn to be a parent. Then maybe you will be given back that privilege. 
  2. Flood chasers. I don’t want to alarm you, dear readers, but just in case you weren’t aware, Calgary and surrounding areas suffered a catastrophic natural disaster just over six months ago. The rivers rose and flooded parts of southern Alberta drastically and tragically. Thousands lost everything they owned; a couple of people even lost their lives. But this isn’t about nature. Nature will do what it wants and we cannot stop it. No, my problem lies with the retarded camera whores who were risking their safety in order to get the dramatic shots of the Bow River breaching its banks. On the morning after the water poured through Calgary, I went to the top of a hill to witness the raging waters below. But it wasn’t the water itself that caught my eye. It was stupid humans balancing as they navigated the water’s edge. I really don’t know if these people were unaware of the danger or just didn’t care, but I was absolutely gob-smacked that they were down there. Taking pictures like it was a day at the zoo! Pay no mind to the fact that the river created a new “bank,” that was likely soft and unstable. Don’t worry that the water may rise suddenly, sweeping them into the river. Get your pictures so you can show off on Facebook and Instagram and become just a little bit famous on the internet for five minutes; it’s worth it! That said, my concern isn’t really for the idiots who are risking life and limb for a few snaps. I’m concerned for the emergency services personnel and good Samaritans who would take their own lives into their hands in order to save the morons who got to close and fell in. These flood chasers were as selfish as they were brain dead.   
  3. Last minute shoppers. You people can go suck a bag of dicks! Now, allow me to clarify. I’m not aggravated by people who leave their holiday shopping until the last minute. I’m bothered by those that wait until the last minute and THEN get furious with store employees when the item they wanted is no longer in stock. What the hell do these people expect? Stores should put up a sign that describes the notion of “supply and demand,” but these last minute shoppers are in a huge rush and wouldn’t read it anyway. Instead, store employees should be given a license to take these shoppers, punch their teeth through their assholes, and then kick them out the door in tears. But maybe that’s an overreaction.
  4. Lazy shoppers. While I’m on the topic of shoppers, how about these lazy fuckwads who can’t be bothered to put their shopping carts back in the cart stalls when they have finished with them. I get it! It’s cold, windy, and uncomfortable outside. So what? A cart coral is fifteen feet away! Just push it over there instead of leaving it in the middle of the parking stall next to you. But so few customers actually do this (in winter anyway), which makes the parking lot a minefield. There’s nothing quite as frustrating as seeing what appears to be a convenient parking stall available, only to begin turning into it and finding a cart blocking the way. Fuck these lazy shoppers! Someone should open a new cart coral up their asses. But maybe that’s an overreaction.
  5. Snow shovelers.  Hey, good for you! You’re shoveling your walkway so people don’t have to wear snow shoes to get by your home. You’re a responsible and respectful homeowner/renter/other. That said, why the hell are you tossing all your shovelfuls of snow on to the road??? If it was really warm, sunny, and everything was melting, then it’s fine. But when it’s minus twenty outside, you’re just making shitty road conditions worse! Why not walk the extra five feet and dump it all in a pile that’s out of the way instead of screwing over anyone in a vehicle that drives by? Douchepots!
  6. Bad drivers. Oh, yes. You all knew this would be on here somewhere. But I can’t just talk about bad drivers in general…I don’t have years to write, nor do you have years to read what I’ve written. So I’ll just take arguably the worst example of the year of a bad driver. Imagine driving on slippery roads. I’m sure you’ve done it. You can kind of see the pavement in the ruts, but there’s clearly a thin film of icy death on it. Outside the ruts is a bumpy, icy, and snowy nightmare. The speed limit on this highway is 100km/h in ideal conditions, and at this time everyone is driving about 50km/h and having no regrets. It’s a slow drive but you’re doing it! But wait! Suddenly some jackoff in a black Celica pulls right in front of you AND brakes because he was driving too fast and might hit the car in front! You have to hit your brakes and feel your wheels glide along on the ice. You barely manage to slow down before plowing into the rear bumper of this hardon. He doesn’t wave an apology but he KNOWS what he did. And what was his worst offense of all? He didn’t bother to use his turn indicator! Come on! I mean, it’s a fraction of a second move…hand flicks indicator. So why the FUCK do so few people bother to do it? I’m sorry, but I think when a person just drives in front without indicating intent, at the best of times it is showing a lack of respect from that person. At the worst of times, it’s very dangerous! I commented on Facebook that it would have been great to walk to his window at a stop, tell him his turn signal was broken, and then when he got out to check, I would smash it to bits with his face. But maybe that’s an overreaction.
  7. Dexter finale. I won’t ruin anything for those of you who haven’t seen the finale. And perhaps I shouldn’t even mention this because the series was so great, and I think a lot of you should give it a chance. But the final episode was a terrible piece of shit. It was clearly the work of a writer that realized, with two episodes left, that he had to wrap up a series. The whole final season was lackluster and rushed, but that final episode was such a messy cop-out that it insults everything that came before it. I loved Dexter, and I feel that I and all the other fans deserved something better. Screw you Scott Buck and Manny Coto (apparently the writers of the finale). I sure hope you don’t find yourselves on the kill table of a Dexter copycat one day. But maybe that’s an overreaction.
  8. Stores not carrying cereal I like. Thank god for my good friend Lisa. She manages to hook me up with some of the delicious cereals that are otherwise unavailable in Canada (or at least Calgary). But seriously…what the hell is up with grocery stores not regularly stocking Fruity/Cocoa Pebbles, Cocoa Puffs, Trix, and the Monster cereals (Count Chocula, Boo Berry, Frankenberry, etc.)? These are. So. Effing. Good! And I need to import them? That’s unfair (somehow), and it ticks me off. That’s right Superstore, Safeway, Sobeys, Co Op, and all the others…you’re on my shit list now.
  9. People who judge me without knowing me. Every year I seem to talk about this, so I won’t bore you with the same old details. But it’s still a very real problem in this world. Who the hell are these people then? They all think they have such great insight that they are able to label me based on a few superficial facts. That’s not even the worst part though: They feel compelled to TELL me, like a child telling their parent about how Santa’s reindeer fly. People who really know me don’t necessarily actually KNOW me, so where do people who don’t know me at all get off thinking they’ve got me figured out? The worst part is when the person doing the judging is so completely off base, and days later comes up with a nearly opposite judgment! I understand these rash judgments are the product of a low self-esteem; tear someone else down to feel better about yourself. It’s a defense mechanism. But it’s also pathetic, counter-productive, and sad. Anyway, moving on…
  10. Loud neighbor. Oh my god! My neighbor is just awful. She really, really is. Her appearance is rather unassuming; not too tall or short, not pretty or ugly, not dressed like a star or a hobo. But she is SO FUCKING LOUD! I don’t know how she fails to realize that the volume of her voice is ALWAYS on maximum. When she has an argument with her boyfriend of the week, I can hear her side of the argument as clear as if she was in the same room, despite a couple of walls (and rooms) between us (and I can’t hear him at all). When she’s on the phone, I can hear her side perfectly without trying. I can hear her talking normally from the back door of my building, which is on the OTHER side of the building and half a floor down from her apartment. She talks loudly, yells louder, and has sex loud; her whole existence is just speaker-blowing LOUD. I really miss my old neighbors. As Sheldon Cooper said, “I never met them. That’s what made them perfect, there were no awkward hellos in the halls, there was no clickety-clacking of high heel shoes on hardwood floors, they may as well have been a family of cats just jumping around from drape to drape without that annoying ammonia urine smell.” I’m not saying my new neighbor smells, but I hate her anyway. But maybe that’s an overreaction.
Well, that’s it for another year. Ten people/types of people that really pissed me off and disappointed me during the past year. Here’s hoping that in 2014 I won’t be able to list ten…but who am I kidding? I’ll likely be able to hit fifteen. Good day and Happy Festivus to one and all!

Except my neighbor. She sucks.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Dave's a Dick (11 of ?)

From: Kijiji Reply (from ml) <post@kijiji.ca>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Thursday, March 21, 2012 4:36:19 PM
Subject: Reply to your "Marvel Legends 2012 - Hope Summers, Iron Man, Constrictor" Ad on Kijiji

Hello! The following is a reply to your "Marvel Legends 2012 - Hope Summers, Iron Man, Constrictor" Ad on Kijiji: 
 
you're kidding right?these are not even rare items and on tru's they are selling these for 15 bucks.good luck man. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2012 19:19:03 -0700
From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "Marvel Legends 2012 - Hope Summers, Iron Man, Constrictor" Ad on Kijiji
To: *******@yahoo.com
 
 
Dear Nameless Moron,

Thank you for your pointless email. It always warms my heart to know that there are people like you in the world who will waste their precious time in writing ineffectual emails to others in an attempt to boast your intellectual superiority by telling them "how it is." Much like I am doing to you now. The difference between us, however, is I clearly am educated and you are a nitwit.
As a matter of fact, I am not kidding about this listing. When I'm kidding, the end result is something humourous...much like how I would be kidding if I said I enjoy underwater basket-weaving while having my leg humped by a condescending little prick such as yourself. 
You see, I did not purchase these from tru (I believe you meant to type it as T.R.U. since it's used as an acronym for Toys R Us, but your mastery of the English language is clearly sub-par so I'll overlook it). I purchased these from a brick and mortar collectibles store in the city. Each was $24.99, because such stores need to increase the sticker price in order to make a profit. If you grab a calculator (since you're almost certainly too simpleminded to do math in your head) and add 5% G.S.T. to that price, you'll discover that I indeed paid over the $25 asking price for each.
Now, as for the second part of your "argument," these are not rare in that they are new, but with issues of distribution they are currently uncommon in our area. If Toys R Us does have them, then perhaps your time would have been better spent riding your bicycle (I assume with training wheels since your email appears to have been written by a child) to the nearest T.R.U. and purchasing them there. If they are being sold for $15 (which is far below the R.S.P. [that means Recommended Selling Price...I figured I should tell you since you're a complete tool]), then you'd best buy them up before T.R.U. realizes their mistake. That being said, I highly doubt that they are available at that price, and if they are, I highly doubt any of the stores have any in stock.
Before I continue, I would like to correct your email. The grammar is just so awful!
"You're kidding, right? These [figures] are not even rare items, and T.R.U. is selling them for $15 each. Good luck, man."

Here's what your email really meant:

"Hi, I'm a smeghead. I saw your advertizement on Kijiji. I wanted to send you an email to ask if your price is a joke. I noticed your price is far above the [possibly] less expensive Toys R Us price of $15. Good luck selling yours at a higher price. I'm secretly attracted to men and don't now how to deal with my homosexual fantasies due to my homophobia, so I'm lashing out. I'm sorry. Love abcdefg."

In conclusion, your silly little email was as futile as it was laughable. It's also a good example of why you should perhaps get a few details straight before you try and tell someone off. Actually, it would also probably be good for you to just keep your proverbial mouth shut because nothing that comes out of it is of any value...except maybe when your teeth fall out and you can get a quarter each from the Tooth Fairy. That's my two cents, and unlike yours, it hold some merit! You're welcome.

Regards,

Dave

P.S. I'm sorry you are feeling so butt-hurt (as my friend likes to say) about seeing some toys you wanted in my listing but cannot afford them. Perhaps if you get a job instead of writing stupid emails and masturbating to scrambled porn, you can afford them. Douche.
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
No reply.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Dave's a Dick (10 of ?)






A friend pointed this ad out to me and the whole scenario is just so creepy! I just HAD to respond!

 

Original ad by "Mounir":



Kijiji Alberta > Calgary > real estate > room rental, roommates > Ad ID *********

share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE

Date Listed 16-Mar-12
Price $250.00
Address Alberta T**, Canada
View map
Furnished Yes
Pet Friendly No
This shared-bed is perfect for a clean, dd free working female

I am 29 years old male looking to share my room with single female. I'm have an average body, it is nice and very clean room in two bedroom house, Internet and laundry included, I work a lot and on weekends. I am looking for someone quiet, clean that will keep the room and bathroom clean all the times. I do not smoke, or drink. I'm a positive thinker, and a bit of an introvert. I don't like going to bars, I use laptop in bed sometimes so I hope that doesn't keep you up, I am definitely NOT looking for Intimate Encounter or a relationship, The bed is big warm and cozy, and if we have any chemistry between us you are more than welcome to cuddle with me. just looking for someone nice busy with work, disease free, clean with no drama, just normal person, easy going not bossy or picky and has no attitude, no game player

Should this advertisement attract you, kindly respond with few words about yourself and your number and we can meet for coffee and try it for while.

room cost $400 each one of us will pay $250 for the room


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 17:06:53 -0700
From: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji
To: ******@hotmail.com


Dear Gentleman with a room,

I came across your advertizement and I am very interested. I am new to Calgary and am currently working as a server full time. I am clean, neat, and quiet. Also dd free and p/o.

I assume there are other people living in the other bedroom of the home? What kind of people are they? Quiet too, I hope? Also, how is the neighbourhood? It's close to work and I wouldn't mind walking from time to time and I just want to know if it's safe.

Warmest regards,

Davina


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Mounir R**** <******@hotmail.com>
To: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 6:28:59 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji


Hey,

Yes , there is one person and he is nice and safe,and this is whatv I am looking for too, Can you send me you number and I will text you or call you and give you the info u like to know

Thanks
Adam (Mounir)


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 19:03:24 -0700
From: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji
To: ******@hotmail.com

Dear Mounir,

Thank you for your timely reply. I am currently at work and I'm using the server computer in order to email you. I unfortunately left my cell phone at the YWCA where I am currently staying. Perhaps we could talk on the phone tomorrow evening?

The YWCA is quite an awful place to stay. Last week, while I was reaching my hand into the vending machine to try and score a free Snickers bar, my roommate came running up to me screaming about how her condylomata acuminata was flowering and she needed the toilet scrubber to relieve the itch. I told her the scrubber was in with the cleaning supplies but of course she didn't know where that was. I don't mind cleaning, but it would be nice if this roommate would stop using the floor mounted mirror to check for clusters and pick up a mop from time to time.
I shared this story because I would like to know if you would also clean up the bedroom and bathroom? As I said, I don't mind cleaning but not if I am the only person doing the cleaning.

Do you have a television in the bedroom? And an internet connection? I completely understand using a laptop in bed. Sometimes I would be using it to Skype with friends from back home, and it would have to be in the evening because of the time difference. I hope that would be okay. The person I talk to the most is my friend Nahsawnd Inawtabel and she is hard of hearing so we usually use the webcam and speak in sign language. I would not be talking at all so you would be able to sleep.

You mention that the bed is big. Is it a queen size bed? I hope it is not a twin size bed or else we would not be able to fit! LOL

Warmest regards,

Davina

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Mounir R***** <******@hotmail.com>
To: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 10:03:26 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Hi Davina,

You can call or text me tomorrow and maybe we can meet for coffee , my number is 403 ***-****
as for cleaning we have to be very clear about this from start, every thing will always be cleaned in bedroom bathroom and kitchen just for respecting each other
we can do sheets every weekend and when ever you like, I have queen bed which I thing very big but there is only TV in living room, I will show you the place anyway after we meet tomorrow, send  me you number please and let me know if you free to meet after 6:00PM


Best regards,


Adam (Mounir)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sat, 17 Mar 2012 13:13:38
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Dear Mounir,



Sorry for the delay in replying to you. The girls and I were playing crotch games with a whiffle bat in the YWCA courtyard last night (we had our St. Patrick's Day drinks last night instead of tonight) and it completely slipped my mind to email you back. I have just been cleaning up the room I share, as we made a bit of clutter while having a pillow fight because one of the pillows exploded and we decided to tar and feather our dorm mistress while she slept. I have decided that it would probably be prudent to invent a specialized pillow just for pillow fights! A pillow that will not break apart no matter how hard you hit someone. Do you think that would be a good idea? We could then have pillow fights without worrying that the pillows will break and feathers ending up all over the room.



I admit that I am quite a playful person and sometimes will do something silly like having a pillow fight or playing hide and seek with neighbourhood strays. If that is a problem for you, I assure you I will remain completely mature when in the home with you.


I am happy to hear that you and I will share the cleaning responsibilities. I was worried that I would have to do all the upkeep and that was certainly not appealing to me. As for sheets, I would probably like to clean them two or three times a week because of my lactating, but I'll clean them every time because I respect that it can be inconvenient. Being p/o sometimes has it's disadvantages when it comes to the hormone therapy. :(



I will be working at the restaurant this evening so we cannot meet for coffee. However, you're more than welcome to come down and say hi! I work at Hooters. There are two in Calgary and I work at the restaurant on MacLeod Trail because it's an easy train ride from downtown where I'm currently living. The address is 4608 MacLeod Trail S. Just ask the hostess to seat you in Davina's section or ask for me (though I'm not allowed to seat you). I'll make sure not to take my break until you arrive so that we can have some time to sit and talk together. I'm working 5PM to close (which is 1AM tonight).



If you cannot swing by tonight, that's okay. Just drop me an email as I won't have my cell with me. I am a little hesitant to give you my cell number right now anyway because I don't know you. A beautiful single w man in Calgary has to take care of herself! :) Once we meet and I'm comfortable with you, I'll happily give you my number. If we do get along, when could I come to see the room?



Warmest regards,



Davina

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ******@hotmail.com
Date: Sat, 17 Mar 2012 15:25:22
To: Davina Leettrol<smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Reply-To: ******@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji


Ok , I will try to stop around 6, I am sure it will be busy there , if we agreed on every thing when u looking to move?

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Mobilicity

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 From: Mounir Rifai <******@hotmail.com>
To: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 5:37:42 PM
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

I am now at the  Hooters but staff told me they do not know any one in this name, anyways let me know what time is good for you to meet tomorrow if you free at 5 or after

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Mobilicity
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sat, 18 Mar 2012 20:17:13
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji


Dear Mounir,

I don't understand. You came here and someone said I wasn't there? Who did you talk to when you were here? I was on the floor serving customers. Are you sure you were at the south restaurant on MacLeod Trail and not the north restaurant off Barlow Trail? I was waiting and waiting to take my break because I thought you would be coming in to the restaurant!

I feel terrible that you came all this way and someone told you I was not there. I almost cried when I read your email. I'm not well liked here because most of the girls don't think I should be working here since I was not born a woman. But they're jealous because I am so beautiful. I will try my hardest to be available after 5PM tomorrow. We can meet somewhere near your home this time. Is there a Tim Hortons or other coffee shop located near you? I would be happy to meet at any coffee shop as long as it isn't a Second Cup. One time I was drinking a latte with a friend in a Second Cup downtown when a barista came up to our table and asked us to stop putting our faces in the latte mug and blowing. I told the barista that we were making bubbles because we wanted to see if we could carbonate the drink. I'm not sure why, but my friend then picked her nose and ate it. It was at that time that a man at the condiment table vomited into the cinnamon shaker, which caused a chain reaction of vomiting from other patrons that resulted in a very slippery floor and a highly offensive odour in the coffee house. My friend and I were asked never to come back and I have since then not wanted to go to a Second Cup again.

But I digress. My break is over and I have to get back to work now. Let me know when you can about where we could meet. And please accept my sincerest apologies that someone here told you I was not in the restaurant when I am here. I'm furious! I will be talking to my boss about this later tonight.

Warmest regards,

Davina



Sent from my iPhone

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Mounir R***** <******@hotmail.com>
To: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 10:17:49 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Hi Davina,

there was old man with big saint patrick hat asked me to pick a place, I picked one and when I asked the girl about you she told me there is no one in this name, I think she did this to get the tips. she told me she has been working there for year and knows everyone, I was setting on the third table next on the right side of the door and got ice tea only at 5:30PM

we can meet at the Tim's next to sunridge mall if you like around 6 if you not working tomorrow night, or we might can meet at 1:30 if I am still up and can meet you tonight

i attached copy of photos for the place and me, can you send me yours, how long you been in Calgary for, 
I have some thought but can you please clarify for me what do you mean by p/o


Best regards,


Mounir







----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Mounir R***** <******@hotmail.com>
To: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 12:58:00 PM
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Hey,

I did not hear back from you yet, I hope you ok,please let me know soon please because  I have someone would like to see the room and would like to meet you and talk first


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Mobilicity

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2012 15:38:24
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji


Dear Mounir,

I'm sorry for the delay. I got off work at 1AM last night but had to close the restaurant. I didn't get home until nearly 2:30AM and I slept in right til it was time to go to work. I am working until 8PM tonight, so meeting at 6PM at Tim Hortons won't work. Perhaps later in the evening.

The older man with the hat was Stanley. It's a shame you did not tell him you were here to see me as he would have sat  you in my section. The girl who served you was almost certainly Janet. Either that or you were seated in Chrissy's section. Whoever it was, they don't know jack about who works there. I was there when you were there. I'll be contacting the manager Larry about this fiasco.


Thank you for the photos. You are very handsome. I cannot wait to kiss you!

Who else is interested in sharing the room? Do you think the bed would be big enough for all three of us? When I was in high school, me and a group of friends went on a road trip to Gahtchagud, North Dakota for spring break. When we got to the hotel, only one of the two rooms we booked was available. So all six of us crammed into a king sized bed. It wasn't very comfortable because Ralph and Lana kept feeling each other up while I was between them. Fortunately, Terri said she had enough and booted Ralph to the floor. Cindy took Ralph's spot and things were a lot better so we could sleep. However, this would only be you, me, and this other girl, so it should be okay to share the bed. Does this girl like girls or just boys? I like girls and boys.

I have been in Calgary for 13 years, though it feels like 37. I had been married to a man for ten years until he found out I was p/o. I should have told him but we were just so happy. For the last three years I have been living in a shelter because I could not find a place to live. Until I met you! Now I'm so happy because I get to share a bed with a handsome man named Mounir and Troll (my dog). He does not shed and he's very clean. He's a bit big but he usually sleeps at the foot of the bed. Sometimes he gets bored at night and will lick your face while you're sleeping, but that's rare. Sometimes he sits on my face when I'm trying to sleep too. What a silly puppy! The worst we'll have to worry about is if he gets gas overnight. His toots are smelly! I've attached a picture of Troll with my ex-husband Lex. 

Warmest Regards,

Davina

P.S. I've included a picture of me too!

P.P.S. p/o stands for post operation. When I was 19 I underwent a sex-change operation from man to woman. But it's okay. I now have a vagina so we can have sexual intercourse every night. Mwah! 



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Mounir R***** <******@hotmail.com>
To: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 6:00:58 PM
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

Well . I had it clear in the add that I am not looking for sex, I work night shifts so we will not share bed at the same time, send me you number,

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Mobilicity

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2012 19:34:51
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji


Dear Mounir,

I understand that you are not looking for sex. I'm sorry that I suggested it. Sometimes I don't think before I say something. Forgive me?

It's unfortunate that we will not be sharing the bed at the same time. Do you mind that Troll will sleep on the bed in the day with you? He's very cuddly so I'm sure you'll love his company!

I'm sorry for the delay. I was packing up the U-Haul today with my things and am now officially moved out of the YWCA. I'm staying at the Super 8 motel on Barlow Trail near 32nd Avenue for the evening. I'll be moving in with you tomorrow morning (Monday March 19, 2012). Troll is jumping up and down and I think he knows we're moving again! We're both very excited to live with you!

Will anyone be home in the morning since you will be sleeping? Or can you leave a key under the mat for me? Our third roommate Greg will be with me to help move everything in so you won't have to worry about getting up to help. Greg also works nights so he'll probably just climb into bed with you once we're done moving everything in. Talk to you soon!

Warmest regards,

Dave

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2012 22:04:45
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

I have not heard back from you yet. I hope everything is okay. I have given Greg your phone number and he will call you at 8AM tomorrow to arrange moving in. If he can't get a hold of you, we will have to unload the truck in the front yard as we only have the truck until 5PM. See you tomorrow!

Warmest Regards,

Dave
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Mounir R***** <******@hotmail.com>
To: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com
Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 10:11:20 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working female in NE" Ad on Kijiji

are you going to drive from Burnaby in one day? I can take day off if you like, I will just wait for you till you get there, and we can have your friend stay on air bed if you like, but the other girl who saw the room today liked it too, so we will work something out,
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Davina Leettrol <smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com>
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2012 22:20:22
To: <******@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your "share my bed , room to share with single working
female in NE" Ad on Kijiji


I don't understand. I'm not in Burnaby. I'm in a motel on Barlow Trail. About a five minute drive away from you. 

As for Greg, he will not want the air mattress. He has back problems. Also,he will want to cuddle with you. You and Greg can share the bed (and Troll can sleep on the bed too). I will sleep on the air mattress with the other girl. 

Anyway, my baby is crying and needs to be fed. I should go!

Warmest Regards,

Dave

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No reply. Turns out Mounir hates babies. So he can't be all bad.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Gophenwick

Some friends at Dori411 have been working diligently over the past year on an exciting graphic novel and accompanying web series titled simply Gophenwick. Gophenwick, taking place in an alternate future, is about a young girl named Zoe, whom with her paranormal investigation team, encounters several mysteries that ultimately lead Zoe and her team to Gophenwick, Wales; a town overwrought with the supernatural.
Check out the Gophenwick Facebook page for tonnes of photos, concept art, music, and up-to-date information on the project! But Dori411 can't undertake this task without your help! The costs to produce anything of quality is high these days, and they need your help! Head on over to their Indie Gogo site and see if you can help them reach their goal to make Gophenwick the best production it can be! Any contribution you can make comes with terrific exclusive Gophenwick perks (i.e. a $20 donation gets you production art cards!).
Even if you cannot afford to contribute anything, do "like" the Facebook page so you can keep on top of everything Gophenwick as it becomes available.

Now, I just have to sweet-talk my way into the series. Though something tells me there's not much room in the story for a sarcastic asshole. Oh well, maybe Dori411 can write me in. ;)

Thursday, March 1, 2012

How to Speak (Somewhat) Correctly

Grammar. Grammar is a beautiful thing. Grammar is a rule set for the composure of a particular language. The proper usage of grammar can make a fool look intelligent, and poor grammar can make a genius look like a moron. I was raised to appreciate the importance of grammar and, in turn, learned to use it properly (for the most part).
Sure, there are a few slip-ups that I will make from time to time. I'm quite guilty of ending sentences with prepositions. "A preposition is never what a sentence should end with." However, most of the time I speak and write with grammatical correctness in mind. As a result, when I come in contact with other people who do not use it, I become unreasonably bothered. Especially when people misuse cliches! You would think that a cliche would be universally grammatically correct because of its heavy usage, but unfortunately as cliches pass from person to person, the saying tends to change. Frustrating.
I have decided to use my blog for an outlet. A way to complain about poor grammar and a way to correct those who may not realize they are erring. I'll update this as I hear new cliches being spoken incorrectly. Also, I'm sure that I'll slip up myself at some point in the body of this post. Feel free to make fun of me if I did and missed it!

Let's begin now.

1. "Where in the hell are you?" or "Where the hell are you?"
Could someone hit the buzzer please? Both of these versions are used (at least in my experience) FAR more than the correct question. The question is asking where a person is located and uses the location of hell to be humorous. But one would be found IN hell. Therefore, "where "the" hell are you?" makes no sense! Would you ask "where the museum are you?" or "where the New York City are you?" Nope, I don't think you would ask those questions in that way. So don't say "where the hell are you" either!
And while "where in the hell" is technically correct, the "the" is not needed when using the name of a location. For example, let's use MacArthur Park as an example. One would not say "where in the MacArthur Park are you?" though saying so would not be technically incorrect. "Where in MacArthur Park are you?" is much more elegant. However, one would say "where in THE park are you?" when the name of the park is not used. In the case of hell, it is a specific name of a location and so the "the" is not necessary. The correct, grammatically correct question should be:
   "Where in hell are you?"

2. "For god's sakes" or "For god sakes" or "For god sake."
Take a moment and think about the construction of this phrase. What the person is supposed to be saying is "for the sake of god." Therefore, the above variations are wrong and make no sense. "for the sakes of god?" Nope. Makes no sense.
The other two have no possessive, which means that whatever they are doing is for "god sakes" or "god sake," which sound like locations or people. "We do this for our leader: God Sakes!?" Nope. "We do this for our leader: God Sake?" Nope. Not even close to the intended meaning, people! The correct statement should be:
    "For god's sake."
The same goes for variants of this cliche, such as "For fuck's sake."

3. "I could care less."
This one really bugs me. A person would say "I could care less" as a sarcastic and humourous way to express disinterest in something.
"Hey, want to learn underwater basket-weaving?"
"Nah, I could care less about that."
However, by one saying that one could care less about something, they are actually saying that it would be possible to care less than they do. While COULD care less gets the point across, it does not appropriately express the person's true and complete disinterest. The proper, most effective wording should be:
   "I couldn't care less."

More to come as I hear and become frustrated by them.