Friday, November 12, 2010

Stalker Part 2

After my unfortunate telephone conversation with the attractive-yet-nutter Lisa, I was admittedly disappointed. She seemed so nice the day before and it was unfortunate that she was selfish, unreasonable, and demanding. I called my friend Robyn and explained to her the situation and how Robyn was now my steady fake girlfriend. I think she liked the idea of being my girlfriend, even if it was fake. I am one delicious piece of man, after all.

Dear reader, have you ever experience déjà vu? There have been several times in my life when I've felt that I've been somewhere before or done the same thing before. The day after my sad conversation with Lisa was one of those times. I was driving home from school on my second day. I was kind of grumpy as I had homework to accomplish that involved a class presentation.

Sidebar: I hate presentations. Hate them so much. I don't like standing in front of crowds, regardless of size, and having to speak to them. The experience overloads me and I lose focus. I stumble. I turn red. I pray that someone will suffer a massive seizure or heart attack just so I can stop presenting. It's known as a specific social phobia. Now you know something about me. Let's return to the story now.

While I was driving back home to Airdrie, my cell phone rang. Well, can you take a guess as to who was on the phone? I foolishly answered the phone as I had not yet memorized her number and therefore did not recognize it. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What was interesting about the call was the tone. I answered and she cheerfully said "hello." She then began asking how I was, how my day was going, and other cliché small-talk topics. What? Did she forget the cal from the day before? Perhaps she struck her head and was suffering a form of amnesia? Or did she misunderstand when I told her that nothing would happen between me and Lisa and that I didn't want to speak with her again. After all, it's easy to misunderstand when someone tells you to "fuck off." It could also mean "I love you." Whatever the case, it was like the day before didn't happen. She began talking about her day at work while I sat silently in disbelief and how weird this situation really was. I cut her off mid-sentence and I asked her "do you remember what we talked about yesterday?" She laughed. Of all the reactions to my question, she laughed like it was really no big deal. 

"Oh, that was just a fight. I'm over it." 

A fight. She thought that it was a fight. A shiver went down my spine and I knew she wasn't right in the head. Fights are for couples. Not strangers on their first telephone conversation. I was absolutely certain that I never wanted to speak to this woman again, seeing as she was crazy as fuck. I expressed to her what I said above. I told her that fights between strangers were not normal and not just something to get over. Two strangers fight and that means there won't be any more talking. I told her specifically not to call me ever again and I hung up. She called back almost immediately. I saved her number in my phone after it finished ringing so that I would know when she called and could successfully ignore any potential future calls. While I saved her number, she left a voicemail. It was a venomous message in which she told me to go fuck myself and I was losing out on someone great and I didn't deserve her. Listened. Deleted. Goodbye, Lisa. 

Ah, if only it was that simple. 

Lisa called my phone a few more times that evening. Five times to be exact. I didn't answer and she left voicemail with each call. I listened to the first voicemail, which was basically a rehash of what she said in the previous one. I deleted the rest without listening to them. 

The next day, she called several times. I'd guess about a dozen or so times. Voicemail every time. The following day...over twenty calls from her. The day after...over thirty. The phone call frequency seemed to escalate day by day. She also tried to be tricky. She called me from different phone numbers. One was her work number, which I was able to look up and avoid answering. One was her home phone number, one was probably a friend's phone, and one that had a weird number (a friend told me it was most likely a payphone). All of the calls were paired with a voicemail from her, so I was easily able to save the alternate numbers under her name and avoid her calls. I listened to a few of the voicemails over the first week...I suppose due to boredom. She was very pleasant and polite in the voicemails...again asking me how I was and how my days were going. The last voicemail I listened to in the month of September was one in which she confessed that she MISSED me and wanted to see me. 
Not all of the voicemail messages were that way though. Lisa was clearly unstable and it really showed in her messages. The last voicemail that I listened to that week was nothing short of unnerving. In the message, there was ambient noise from her place of employment (she assembled and stained furniture and then delivered the furniture around the city) but she was silent. Then, she began to speak:

"Dave...I got STAIN on my arm at work today. It won't come"

It was as though she was saying this through her teeth. As though she wanted to kill someone.


I decided not to listen to her messages after that.

The phone calls became a real problem in their own right. By November of that year, she was calling well over ONE HUNDRED times a day! Voicemail accompanied a good 80% of them as well, so my voicemail box was almost always cluttered with messages. Everyone told me to get a new number and I really should have. However, it was such a pain in the ass to track everyone down to give them the new number and I really liked my number. I guess I was hoping that Lisa would just go away. 

In November, there was one voicemail that I listened to while I was in a mall with friends.  I didn't want to listen to her annoying stupid voice anymore, but I wanted my friends to understand that I was dealing with a total psycho. And Lisa really really really did not disappoint! I warn you now that the contents of the message were certainly not pleasant. I advise you to scroll down past the big gap below if you'd rather keep your innocence.

In the message, which was the first of several that evening (she called, talked until she was cut off, and then called again to continue), she told me that she wanted me badly. She explained that she was naked in her bed and was very horny. As the messages went on, she began to masturbate while the voicemail was recording. She listed off all the things she wanted to do to me and all the things she wanted me to do to her. All pretty standard voicemail behaviour, right? 
But she didn't end there. 
During one of the final messages in the series that evening, the weird, inappropriate, and creepy became weird, inappropriate, and terrifying. She began describing one of her many wacked-out fantasies. In short, she wanted me to go between her legs, cut her thighs with a knife, suck some of the blood from the wound, and then kiss her so she could taste her own blood on my lips. 

I'll give you a minute for your skin to stop crawling. Scroll down when you've stopped being creeped out. 

I have witnesses who heard these messages. I subjected them to the horror and brought them into the insane world of Lisa. We had a great laugh but that message put things well over the top. From that point forward, I honestly looked over my shoulder all the time to ensure that she wasn't behind me. 

At about the end of November, the phone call frequency slowed to around thirty to forty calls a day. No big deal at all. *cough cough* I assumed that maybe she was giving up and finally, after almost three months of harassing me, she got the hint.

Wishful thinking is for pansies and lucky people though. Not only did Lisa not go away...things just continued to get worse.

Check back for the mundane and anti-climactic conclusion to Stalker!

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