Sunday, January 30, 2011

I'm Not Gay (Not That There's Anything Wrong With It)

If you know me in person, there's likely been at least one time that you thought to yourself "is Dave gay?" It seems to be on everyone's mind at one point or another. I'm asked all the time by people if I'm gay or bisexual. I've overheard people joke at certain behaviours or merely discuss whether I'm gay or not. I've even had people try and TELL me I'm gay and I just don't realize it yet.
Well, here's my response. If you are wondering if I'm gay, you clearly don't really know me. And since you don't really know me, you should probably stop making assumptions about who I am. It makes you look like a real asshole.

I like to keep my apartment neat. I don't watch football or baseball, but love tennis. I have more female friends than male friends. I have some friends who are gay. I don't like beer. I like organization. I'm expressive when I talk (i.e. I use my hands when I talk). I'm single and in my thirties. I'm not always pawing at girlfriends to get laid during every waking hour. I'm loyal and I like monogamy.
Tell me...How do these facts automatically make me homosexual? I would seriously like someone to explain how I must be gay because of these things. The fact of the matter is that several of my behaviours, while admittedly "feminine" by today's societal norms, are not definitive predictors of sexual orientation. I was under the impression that homosexuality involved the sexual and/or romantic attraction to members of the same sex (and bisexuality involved sexual/romantic attraction to both sexes). I'm not attracted to men. I never have been. I've never had any sort of romantic/sexual thoughts about men in my life. I'm also not confused or "kidding myself." Shouldn't THAT be a fact that predicts my sexual orientation, instead of a bunch of random stereotypes? Couldn't I have different reasons for acting certain ways? Also, even people who are homosexual don't fit into a mould involving the above traits, so what the hell?

I can see beauty in men, but that's because I'm comfortable with my sexuality and not because I'm attracted to men. Why people cannot see that is understandable but still not an excuse. Women are forever commenting on how attractive other women are and no one accuses them of being lesbians, so why is it acceptable to label me gay because I said "sure, he's a good looking dude?" 

Do me a favour and stop trying to define me. While every human being is unique, I am more unique than most. Being different doesn't mean I'm gay. It means I'm different. And to the women who I've rejected when you wanted a one night stand or other sexual encounter with me; get over yourselves. When I expressed my reasons for not wanting to do so (i.e. not wanting things to become weird, not wanting you to feel bad the next day because you confuse love with sex, I was already in a relationship with someone), I was telling you the truth. You just couldn't handle the rejection. You couldn't admit to yourselves that a man turned you down, as it negatively affected your self-esteem. You decided that NO man would ever say no to sex with you (because you're perfect, I suppose?), so I must be gay. Nice. Real nice. 

If you feel bad after reading this, all I have to say is good. You should feel bad. You probably made an unfair and illogical leap of judgment about who I am without taking the time to know me first. 

I'm done my rant now. I just hope that people who know me and are reading this have learned something. I also hope that people who I've only known a short time (and people who I've never met who are reading this) will keep in mind the facts before coming to incorrect conclusions about me. I have let the whole "Dave is gay" thing roll off my back since I was a kid, but lately it's really started to frustrate me. It's not that I have a problem with homosexuality (I most certainly do not). I am just sick of people labeling me before bothering to learn the truth. I'm not a cookie cutter person. Stop treating me like one.
In closing, it's quite interesting that gay men who I know seem to know right away that I am not gay. Perhaps "gaydar" is a real thing? Discuss!

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