Cause I Gotta Eat Too, Riding Hood!

I wrote this in one of my creative writing courses. The point of this poem was to tell a well-known story from the point of view of a different character. So I chose Little Red Riding Hood and decided to write from the point of view of the wolf rather than that silly bitch in red. Enjoy. Or don't enjoy. Couldn't care less! 

‘Cause I Gotta’ Eat Too, Riding Hood!

From a forest barren of food

I was happy to see the girl in red

Skipping along with a basket of goodies

To feed a sickly old wench

For a predator I was polite to say

“A biscuit for a hungry wolf?”

But she stuck out a little red tongue

Every time, skipping merrily away

I wanted only a nibble of bread

And she wouldn’t offer a crumb

So trickiness came into play

To grandmother’s house I would go

Grandmother was old but I gobbled her up

Though tough and stringy she would be

I put on grandmother’s bonnet and gown

So to trick the little red riding hood

“What big eyes you have” said she

As she came through grandmother’s door

“The better to see you with” quickly said I

Hidden slightly by all the covers

“What big ears you have” she grinned

Making me anxious a little bitty bit

 So I spoke “The better to hear you with”

And she seemed satisfied with that

“What big teeth you have” she screeched

While I licked my chops and jumped at her

“The better to EAT you with” I growled,

Feeling very clever with my reply

I gobbled the girl up hood and all,

Not to mention the basket of bread

Tender and warm. It made me full

So I patted my tummy over and over

That’s when the door feel down

At the hands of that darn woodsman

Who chopped me in half with an axe

That let grandmother and riding hood fall out

Now that girl and her grandmother love

To step all over me as they go

Across the living room for a drink

Because I’m just a rug on the floor

But hear this little red riding hood

Oh and this goes for grandmother too

If I ever get feeling in my mouth again

I’ll gobble you both up whole!